When you hit rock bottom, one of the first things you feel is the need to reach out a grasp any form of help and comfort you can get. I remember the cardiac surgeon coming into my room in the ER to tell me that she was seeing what looked like a tumor in my heart. I'm normally someone who doesn't like others to see me cry, let alone receive comfort from others. But this was different. I clung onto her and desperately didn't want her to leave the room because I knew that the second I was alone again, I wouldn't be able to hold myself together. I sat there on the hospital bed for another half hour, bawling with cries from the pit of my stomach, horrified. I mourned my life for 30 minutes, and 30 minutes only. As someone who is very introverted and deals with my emotions privately, this was enough for me. Once my grief had subsided, I allowed myself to make the choice to accept what was happening to me. At this time, I had no real answers for a cure. I knew that if I didn't receive a heart transplant that I would die from this. I know that it seems like a lot to overcome in a short amount of time, but I knew that things would always work out how they should for me, regardless of whether that was a miracle or it was my time.
It wasn't until I told my friends and family that this belief began to shake. I know that my loved ones care about me deeply and that they always have my best interest at heart, but people began to make me question my grieving process. Everyone unintentionally projects their anxieties and beliefs onto others, and it can be really difficult to not let those emotions affect your own psyche. So, when you reach out for others to help fix your mindset, you end up receiving a lot of their insecurities. A major issue for me was dealing with others' fears about what might happen to me. Of course, their feelings are valid. But, I personally had come to a place of peace and comfort in the unknown. When we reach out to others in an effort to validate our feelings or console us, we inevitably adopt their emotions. While this can be helpful if the feelings you're receiving are positive, it can be detrimental to your grieving process if they're inherently destructive.
Moreover, this idea can be transferred into our everyday lives. How many times have you felt lonesome and wished for answers in a significant other or friend? We make this notion that somehow, if we found the right person, we'd feel complete. This person would mask all the problems that we're dealing with and make us feel whole. What we fail to realize is that we are already complete. A relationship of any kind can't work if both parties aren't aware that they are already whole on their own. If we enter into a relationship feeling incomplete without the other, it will inevitably result in a dependency on the other for our happiness. You are all you truly need. It's not an easy conclusion to come to. It takes a lot of time and effort to love and make yourself responsible for your own happiness and emotional wellbeing. It also doesn't mean that you'll never feel lonely, but it's when we realize this that we can finally have connections with others that are based on enjoying, rather than needing each other.
Our connections with the individuals around us are what make life so meaningful. In order to have these beautiful relationships there has to be a plethora of continuous inner work to find the root causes of your attachments to others, and feel happy with yourself. But if you can come to this place of comfort alone, you can achieve amazing relationships while avoiding the influence of any negative emotions the other individual may have. It isn't always easy and sometimes we need support from others, but once you realize that you are already complete on your own, you can appreciate those in your life without depending on them for your happiness.