I don't necessarily like all of who I am. Not that I'm a bad person or that I've done anything reprehensible, but that I'm simply not the person that I want to be. It's not easy to look at ourselves. And I mean take a real, hard look at ourselves and evaluate how we're contributing to the World. Many of us will act in unsavory ways for the majority of our lives and instead of working on changing them, we ignore that they even exist. Pushing that singe of guilt that arises when we realize we've done wrong as far down as possible. Or even worse, rationalize our bad behavior by pawning the responsibility off onto others. If you really want to get closer to self love and become a better version of yourself, it's essential that you get uncomfortable and analyze the ugly parts of your being.
We all have faults, no one's exempt from this. I'm going to be painfully vulnerable here and tell you mine: If I'm the least bit stressed, I get irritated and mean to the people I'm close to. Basically, I'm a major bitch to my mom sometimes. Back in high school when my teenage self would snap at her with a rude, definitely unnecessary comment, I'd immediately realize that it was wrong of me to do and suppress that thought. I knew that it was terrible for me to act in this way and that my mom certainly didn't deserve it. But, thinking about how these actions only brought up guilt which put me in a worse mood, only to be rude again. This vicious cycle came to a close when I decided that I needed to take full responsibility for my actions, and sit with this guilt. I thought through why I was acting this way, where it was coming from, and made clear goals on how to improve. I had to get really uncomfortable with myself and face the gross aspects of my personality. I wrote down what made these actions immoral (i.e. my mom makes sacrifices for my happiness and wellbeing; I'm tarnishing moments that should be good; I'm not only ruining my mood but hers as well, etc.). Once establishing that my actions weren't something to be proud of, it was easy to use these reasons to overpower my actions. This rationale took precedence over my negative emotions. Reminding myself of this when the impulse to spout something rude her way was my action plan. It's certainly not fun to take a deep dive into the parts of you that are embarrassing, but it's intrinsic in the process of personal growth.
Evaluating and understanding these negative behavior patterns doesn't mean that you never slip up. It means that you make an intentional effort to do better every day. It also means that you need to swallow your pride and apologize when you see yourself act in a way that's not aligned with who you want to be. Taking ownership over your actions like this will also aid in the ability to have better control of your emotions. Essentially, the goal is to retrain your thought processes to think rationally before you let your emotions overrule the situation and have an outburst. The majority of our issues express themselves in a way where the emotions dictate the action. Sit with the emotion for a minute and instead of feeding it with supporting thoughts (i.e. they pissed me off so that now gives me permission to be rude), and replace it with rational reasons on why you should act according to your best self (this inconvenience is five minutes of my day; maybe the person who made me upset is having a hard time and is just doing their best).
Another aspect of myself that needs some buffing is how I'm showing up in the World. I want to be someone I'm proud to be. And that means giving my best, and helping others. The sense of purpose that stems from contributing something positive to someone else's life is something that makes everyone involved better. Understanding what I really expect from myself in a healthy, nonjudgmental way allows me to make clear goals of how to become the individual I want to be. And I cannot emphasize "nonjudgmental" enough. It's not about beating yourself up, but merely objectively observing parts of your character and promising yourself to do better next time. You have to forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings in order to really move forward with change. We are beings with plenty of faults, but luckily we are constantly evolving. We have the ability to change our behaviors and perspectives, and therefore ourselves.